Chess

Now, don't get me wrong. I like chess. In fact, it just so happens to be one of my favorite board games. (As an aside, I also like Monopoly, Bannagrams, and Stratego. But I digress.) But if you look closely at the game, there are things that annoy me.

One such bone I have to pick with chess is the way people symbolize movement. I look at the chess challenge in the SF chronicle and the list of previous moves is all like "Cxbh3" and "D4xF2". I'm sure those would make sense if I had ever learned them. but no, I remain ignorant of the secret codes used by chess players all over the world. My life is hard, isn't it?

Another is that it seems so unfair that pawns can only move forward one space every time excluding en passants. the first move, and when they take someone. I'm always rooting for the little guys, encouraging them with little onlookers (Winnie-the-Poohs in rubber outfits my sister gets from dispensers. No, really.) that cheer them on with squeaky little voices. but them they get pinned against some big rook bully and the spectators get a bit down. Now that I think about, though, they do the same thing in Monopoly, too. Maybe they're alive. Brrrrr. I just got a shiver.

A final gripe is that chess never gets really exciting, if you know what I mean. When someone lands on your boardwalk with a hotel, you can laugh in their face and count your new riches with evident showmanship. But when you take someone's knight in chess, you rarely hear the cries of "IN. YOUR. FACE!  IN. YOUR. FACE!"

 So I recommend that we try to change these things. Do away with the secret codes. At least allow pawns to move backwards. I mean, pawns don't have to be pawns if you know what I mean. And bring gloating into the game. Just once, I'd like to see Magnus Carlsen jump up and down yelling when he wins.

I know I will.

I'm sorry

Apologies, in my opinion, are overrated. You can apologize to someone about something, but the human "error" in this equation seems to blot out everything. You can say the words: I'm sorry. But for them to actually mean anything...well, that's a different story entirely. There are a couple factors that go into an apology being sincere (or not).

One factor is age and/or experience. I'm lumping these two together because they generally correspond. When you're young you have no reason to apologize sincerely, because generally the people you have to apologize to are not going to take it too hard if you aren't totally genuine. And you won't feel bad when someone apologizes to you insincerely, because they will generally be your own age/experience level. You don't often find an adult apologizing to a child for anything other than "oops, I got you chocolate ice cream instead of cookie dough. Life is hard, isn't it?"

Another factor is magnitude of the apology. If you're apologizing for accidentally stepping on a relative/friend's foot, they aren't going to feel insulted if you mumble an apology and go off to play football. But if you're apologizing for dropping and breaking a $500 china plate, the apologee (yes, I just invented that term right now. There is a little red line underneath it, which for some reason ticks me off) is probably giving you the if-you-don't-have-tears-in-your-eyes-I-will-kill-you-in-your-sleep (The computer seems to think I somehow placed dashes inbetween those words by accident. !#%@ little red lines) look.

Yet another factor is timing. If you drop that plate when no one's looking, you can blame it on the dog, or play innocent ("It broke"). If you can time your apologies to when the person is tired, or on a roller coaster, or meditating, or singing, or in Tahiti, they will likely not be too offended if you aren't sobbing.

A final factor is delivery. Apologies that are not face-to-face are much easier too fake. You can write a "heartfelt" email about that plate while laughing you head off about that vein in your grandma's temple that just kept pulsing. Apologies in which the apologee is actually looking at the apologizer's face are a lot harder to skate over. I suggest always trying to get apologies owed to you face-to-face (it's do fun to watch them struggle) and give your apologies through email or phone.

On that note, taking into consideration all I have just written, I sincerely apologize for any one who was offended by this post. I had not intended it to be an attack on people who regularly  apologize genuinely, simply a humorous article on the difficulty of acquiring a sincere apology. Please forgive me for my actions, and leave a note telling me how I can do better next time.

Oh, who am I kidding. I'm not sorry at all.   

Ideas that catch on

Ideas come quick and in large quantities. The part of your brain that controls idea production must have drunk about 400 cups of espresso for it to be that quick on the uptake. But only one idea in about a million is an idea that could catch on, and when that does happen, We usually don;t recognize it. Like when you're straining to get your new !#$!$^$# television to work and the "helpful system" is attempting to get you to feel as bad as possible without launching the blankety-blank machine out the window, and you have a tickling of an idea at the base of your skull telling you you could make millions by marketing a TV that has REAL ease of use, not this. But at that point you're usually banging your head against the wall and pressing the buttons randomly, hoping one of them will turn on "Glee".

But let's do the math for how many wildfire ideas you get in a week.

(about 5,000 notable ideas per day   /    1,000,000)  x  7=  0.035 wildfire ideas per week.

                                                                                               =  1.825 wildfire ideas per year.

                                                                                               =  18.25 wildfire ideas per decade.

                                                                                               =  about 150 wildfire ideas in the 

                                                                                                   average person's lifetime.

With a number like that, I would suggest making every one of them count, and making sure you don't ignore any ideas. Anyone of them could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

email: rainydaysat340@gmail.com

Watson's Effect

This effect does not in any way represent me or my family. It is named Watson's Effect simply because I came up with it, not for any other reason.

You are a kid in fifth grade. (For some of you this may even be true or at least a metaphor for your life.) You are a decent kid with an average level of intelligence and average grades (all of them at least C+'s, let's say). Your parent, however, are not happy with your performance in school. They want you to work your grades upwards of an A- in every subject. You feel that your performance is okay, and a C or B here and there is not going to hurt you career.

But your parents won't listen. They pressure you into working incredibly hard and long on your work, and sacrificing many other things that make life worth living, such as reading for pleasure and cake. You work harder and harder. Your grades slowly creep upward...and then it hits. You fall into a delirium from lack of food and exercise. You slowly turn into a zombie from focusing upon your work so incredibly hard. Your words become incomprehensible. You earn the nickname "Guolaosi", which in Mandarin literally translates to "death by overwork." (that is a real word. Look it up.) This combination of your degenerative state and your personal atmosphere at school leads your grades to drop into D's and F's. You drop out of high school once you reach it and spend the rest of your life producing methane, which eats away at the ozone enough to allow solar wind through, and all electrical systems fail. The Aurora Borealis are seen all over Earth. And most importantly, everything on Earth is vaporized.

 This is an example of what I call "Watson's Effect", which states thus-

There is a point at which high expectations cross the line into "repercussive expectations", a point at which the expectation has harmful consequences. The caused effect, thus dubbed "Watson's Effect", can have many repercussions, hence the name "repercussive expectations." That Point, called the "repercussive boundary", can be measured as such that it is the Point at which expectations leave the necessary and enter the realm of emotions such as pride, vanity, and greed. This can lead, as stated, to uncomfortable, harmful, and possibly irrevocably horrible effects, dubbed as the "repercussive extremity".

Watson's Effect is a dangerous thing, I believe, and I think we can all strive not to expect things of our peers past the repercussive boundary. This could be tough. It will most definitely not be easy. I will be putting this somewhere on the blog where it is always visible at the top of the first page of posts.

I beg you to take this under consideration, for while the story may have had a humorous air, it is indeed a metaphor. Mark this, and mark it well-the expectations of the world at large are well beyond the repercussive boundary. But that does not mean they will stay there.

   

If I ran the world (or at least the state)

This is a traditional topic that provides a commentary on the flaws in the way our society is fun while still maintaining a humorous atmosphere, therefore at least partially pardoning me from any repercussions that may be drawn from my possibly incriminating statements forthwith. Actually, it's more just a way for to point and snicker at the California state laws.

First and foremost, I would instead of having multiple taxes I would smash them all together into the "Tax" (always capitalized). This would cut down on the complicatedness and stressfulness just general 'ness' of the tax returns. Plus, it would cut two extra letters off this type of conversation:

Before:

"Have you paid your taxes yet?"

After:

"Have you paid your Taxes yet?"

Second, I would pour millions into scientific research like cancer, room-temperature superconductors, and human-weight-supporting grappling hooks (what? Don't tell me you've never wanted to be Batman). This would probably a.) keep all the researches well-funded and therefore happy, and b.) probably come with some pretty darn awesome results.

Third, I would shorten the average school week to two, hour-and-a-half days (Monday and Thursday), all math of course.

What? I'm still young enough to not like school.  

Email: rainydaysat340@gmail.com 

Breaking the rules

In my household/city/general area of existence, we have rules. Lots of rules. Some rules are good ones, like no playing in traffic on days that end in 'y'. But we have other rules too. Rules that are...well, to be frank, bad with a capital 'B'.

1. No Technology until 7:00. I still don't get this one. I never understand why I can't use the computer at 6:00 when I've finished all my chores and homework. every time I ask my mom why the rule is in place, she answers, without fail, "we've already had this conversation." I could probably accept it if she had a legitimate reason for the rule, but if it's unchangeable simply because my parents don't like to change rules, I'm against that.

2. No having your headphones on when no one is doing anything. Ok, the flaw in this one is quite obvious to me. If no one is doing anything, that seems the perfect time to isolate yourself from the world. But apparently not. I have to sort of just walk aimlessly around until I find something to occupy my time for a couple of minutes.


3. Ummm, I ran out of bad rules. didn't expect that to happen...
 

My Saturday schedule

This is a transcription of what I do on Saturday. That may sound a boring topic, but trust me. I know what I'm doing.

Saturday

1. 7:30--Awaken. I rise most mornings at 7:00, but not on Saturday. On Saturday I sleep in. 7:30. That's why they call me the "daredevil." After arousing from sleep, I generally lie blankly in bed for a little while until I become fully aware of my awakeness. Then I either turn on KNBR 680 sports radio, read a book, or listen to a podcast of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. (It's a great book/audiobook by Eliezer Yudkowsky-parody of the Harry Potter series.)

2. Around 8:15-8:30--Eat breakfast. I don't go out to breakfast very often, but instead eat things at home. I generally eat Joe's O's, from Trader Joes. They are AWESOME. Sometimes I have pancakes or square waffles. I always have a tall glass of milk. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

3. 8:30-5:00--Do whatever it is that my parents planned for me. Go to a friend's house. Have a friend over. Go to the mall. Sit at home all day. Go to some event or museum. Speak in public. Perform in public. Watch someone else speak or perform in public. The list goes on and on.

4: 5:00-6:30--Do chores / homework / boring stuff. My chores are unloading the dishwasher and watering the plants. I don't generally have homework over the weekends (in your face), but there is the odd report or math assignment (no complaints to the latter).

5. 6:30-9:00--Use the computer / watch TV / stare at the wall and drool. Some of my favorite games on the computer are Minecraft, Elephant Quest (on kongregate.com--look it up), and Portal. I also enjoy watching Mythbusters and Stormchasers on the Discovery channel, and Restaurant: Impossible of the Food Network.

That's it! is this similar to any of your schedules?