I'm sorry

Apologies, in my opinion, are overrated. You can apologize to someone about something, but the human "error" in this equation seems to blot out everything. You can say the words: I'm sorry. But for them to actually mean anything...well, that's a different story entirely. There are a couple factors that go into an apology being sincere (or not).

One factor is age and/or experience. I'm lumping these two together because they generally correspond. When you're young you have no reason to apologize sincerely, because generally the people you have to apologize to are not going to take it too hard if you aren't totally genuine. And you won't feel bad when someone apologizes to you insincerely, because they will generally be your own age/experience level. You don't often find an adult apologizing to a child for anything other than "oops, I got you chocolate ice cream instead of cookie dough. Life is hard, isn't it?"

Another factor is magnitude of the apology. If you're apologizing for accidentally stepping on a relative/friend's foot, they aren't going to feel insulted if you mumble an apology and go off to play football. But if you're apologizing for dropping and breaking a $500 china plate, the apologee (yes, I just invented that term right now. There is a little red line underneath it, which for some reason ticks me off) is probably giving you the if-you-don't-have-tears-in-your-eyes-I-will-kill-you-in-your-sleep (The computer seems to think I somehow placed dashes inbetween those words by accident. !#%@ little red lines) look.

Yet another factor is timing. If you drop that plate when no one's looking, you can blame it on the dog, or play innocent ("It broke"). If you can time your apologies to when the person is tired, or on a roller coaster, or meditating, or singing, or in Tahiti, they will likely not be too offended if you aren't sobbing.

A final factor is delivery. Apologies that are not face-to-face are much easier too fake. You can write a "heartfelt" email about that plate while laughing you head off about that vein in your grandma's temple that just kept pulsing. Apologies in which the apologee is actually looking at the apologizer's face are a lot harder to skate over. I suggest always trying to get apologies owed to you face-to-face (it's do fun to watch them struggle) and give your apologies through email or phone.

On that note, taking into consideration all I have just written, I sincerely apologize for any one who was offended by this post. I had not intended it to be an attack on people who regularly  apologize genuinely, simply a humorous article on the difficulty of acquiring a sincere apology. Please forgive me for my actions, and leave a note telling me how I can do better next time.

Oh, who am I kidding. I'm not sorry at all.