Now, don't get me wrong. I like chess. In fact, it just so happens to be one of my favorite board games. (As an aside, I also like Monopoly, Bannagrams, and Stratego. But I digress.) But if you look closely at the game, there are things that annoy me.
One such bone I have to pick with chess is the way people symbolize movement. I look at the chess challenge in the SF chronicle and the list of previous moves is all like "Cxbh3" and "D4xF2". I'm sure those would make sense if I had ever learned them. but no, I remain ignorant of the secret codes used by chess players all over the world. My life is hard, isn't it?
Another is that it seems so unfair that pawns can only move forward one space every time excluding en passants. the first move, and when they take someone. I'm always rooting for the little guys, encouraging them with little onlookers (Winnie-the-Poohs in rubber outfits my sister gets from dispensers. No, really.) that cheer them on with squeaky little voices. but them they get pinned against some big rook bully and the spectators get a bit down. Now that I think about, though, they do the same thing in Monopoly, too. Maybe they're alive. Brrrrr. I just got a shiver.
A final gripe is that chess never gets really exciting, if you know what I mean. When someone lands on your boardwalk with a hotel, you can laugh in their face and count your new riches with evident showmanship. But when you take someone's knight in chess, you rarely hear the cries of "IN. YOUR. FACE! IN. YOUR. FACE!"
So I recommend that we try to change these things. Do away with the secret codes. At least allow pawns to move backwards. I mean, pawns don't have to be pawns if you know what I mean. And bring gloating into the game. Just once, I'd like to see Magnus Carlsen jump up and down yelling when he wins.
I know I will.
Sweet fish dude! It's awesome they follow the mouse.
ReplyDeleteMagnus Carlsen totally rocks! I think it's crazy how he play chess at the park in his town with like ten people at one time. Wild! I'm pretty sure he's all over that gloating thing too. It's all on the inside, build it behind your eyes and all that, y'know.
ReplyDeletePawns moving backward? Interesting idea, but I question if that rule was changed if they would still be playing their representative role as tunnel visioned order followers who only slightly change direction when the enemy appears before them. Then they attack.
The pawns represent those who only fight what comes to them as they progress on their straight (for the most part) path. This is different than those who seek out the enemy in very different ways. Knights are sneaky, always hopping out of bushes on to some poor idgits head. Bishops are always trying to get at you through the side door and Queens are after you from every direction. The Kings role is to "be Home" and remind all involved what they are fighting for. All these roles fascinate me. The metaphors. It's all in the metaphors, dude. The pawns can't go backwards because there'd be no one left who could only go forward! Somehow, I think, the world is always requiring that be present.
Nice writing, do more! ;)
Btw, Sam I Am must have an orange room!
ReplyDeleteI love bananagrams
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